Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
