I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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