When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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