just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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