what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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