Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
