she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
