rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
