It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
