I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
