Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
