I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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