hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk is not a location!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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