I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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