In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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