We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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