there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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