Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
