You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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