I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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