hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
whose parrot is this?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
