the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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