he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
