"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
