Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
