What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize