Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
