So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
