The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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