I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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