k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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