If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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