Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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