Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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