I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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