he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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