I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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