My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
