Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
