Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
