I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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