He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
