I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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