My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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