My friends, they love my intelligence
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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