did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
