Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
