my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
