Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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