im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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