I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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