At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
