Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
