I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
