she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
