even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
