yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
