see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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