Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The air was thick with penises
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
