dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
