if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm too high and old for this...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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