ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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