We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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