Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i think i just lost a toe
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
