i barfeds in our rink
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found your dick twin last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
