glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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