Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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