I wannas sexs uuuuu
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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