im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
