just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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