He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
