So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
