Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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