I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
