seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
