All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
