I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
