i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
