Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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