now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
