I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
organizing the empties. That sober.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
