I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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