I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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