it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
