Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
