Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
