i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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