oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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