this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
