If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
