My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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