from now on my penis is your penis
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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